I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
