Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
