Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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