i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
