I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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