We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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