It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
