Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
