ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
