I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
as a side note pls kill me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
