What did we do last night that was yellow?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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