Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
