Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
