he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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