I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
