That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize