Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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