You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
