addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
