Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Found the puke drawer
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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