My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
