I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
