So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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