There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
