he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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