i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
