I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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