I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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