I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
