Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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