Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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