We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
