That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I could fuck to npr.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
