belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
