I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize