I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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