call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
