Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
