Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
