I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
