Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
