Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize