I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
