I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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