He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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