I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
