Swine flu. Run for my life!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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