the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
