i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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