did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
