I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
