those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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