just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
