be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
