dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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