You smell like stripper and shame
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
