How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Small penises have feelings too.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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