new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
