I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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