Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
