is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
