Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
