Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
