What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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