Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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