I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
